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Vayeitzei - Yaakov’s Kiss

By:
Rav Yonatan Kohn

So that there are no misunderstandings, I think it is both safe and prudent to restate the well-established halachah: first cousins of opposite genders may not share a kiss. This is abundantly clear from the sifrei halachah (Rambam Issurei Biah 21, Even HaEzer 21). By contrast, what happened in Yaakov’s first meeting with Rachel is, I believe, far from clear.

“And it was when Yaakov saw Rachel, daughter of Lavan, his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Lavan, his mother’s brother,

Yaakov approached and rolled the stone from upon the mouth of the well, and he watered the sheep of Lavan, his mother’s brother. Yaakov kissed Rachel, and he lifted his voice and cried” (Bereshit 29:10-11).”

What are we to make of this? Did Yaakov Avinu really kiss his cousin, whom he’d never before met, at first sight? Was this ok?

This episode is one of several in Bereishit and Shemot that relate to the question of whether or not the ancestors of the Jewish People, including the Avot, observed the mitzvot before the giving of the Torah at Har Sinai. Other prominent circumstances raising the same question include Yaakov’s marriage to two sisters and Avraham’s feeding his three guests milk and meat in the same meal. The question has been debated for over a thousand years, and some of our greatest authorities presumed that the Avot did indeed observe the whole Torah (based on Yoma 28b).

If so, how could Yaakov kiss Rachel? Some have suggested Rachel was only a very small girl at the time (Shadal). Ralbag understood that he kissed her on the hand or on her clothing, which was the custom for relatives. In fact, there are a number of other instances of relatives kissing upon meeting in Bereishit, which would support this approach. Finally, some say that he kissed her in a way that was not romantically affectionate (R’ Schachter from R’ Gorelik).

Without getting into these approaches, the air of the Torah’s description is hardly consonant with our image of the tent-dwelling Patriarch. Even if technically permitted, isn’t it a bit forward, perhaps a bit presumptuous, to kiss someone upon meeting the first time? And yet the Torah insists that he did kiss her. A careful reading of the Torah sheds new light on the matter. Just before the Torah says “Vayishaq Yaakov leRachel” (he kissed her), the Torah reports “Vayashq et tzon Lavan” (he watered the sheep). The Torah emphasizes the common lot of the daughter of his uncle and the sheep of his uncle to indicate this point. Tellingly, when Lavan gives Yaakov a kiss soon after, the Torah uses the form “vayenashek lo”; the word here has a nun, perhaps specifically to contrast with what passed between Yaakov and Rachel. Therefore, I would suggest that perhaps Yaakov never actually kissed Rachel; he gave her water from the well. But in the gravity of the moment, overwhelmed by emotion and knowing that this was the woman he hoped to marry, his simple act had a heavy emotional import. As such, the Torah describes the undertone of the episode. He gave her a drink; but he gave it as a kiss.

 

Categorized under: 1: Parshat Shavua > Vayetze